Nother Photo Dump. Ah Yeah Edition. Sorry Blog.

A lot of art showing up here

Just another image resize for class.

Playtime is never as much fun in the Christ Household

Mainly because Baby John the Baptist is always trying to remind you about your crucifixion.

You're kind of a dick, Baby John the Baptist.

Ten Minute Photoshop

Beauty and the Beast: THROUGH THE WORMHOLE

A SHORT SCENE FROM THE FILM

(this scene takes place during the time sequence in the original film, "Beauty and the Beast" when Belle first learns to trust Beast)

Belle: This might sting a little (applies damp cloth to wound).

Beast: Grr!

Belle: By the way…thank you. For saving my life.

Beast: (surprised and touched) Uh. You’re welcome.

( Signal heartwarming music. Cue teapots to look at one another)

Belle: Oh yeah. I was going to ask you something. I mean I am going to ask you…I mean, I was but you know, you were kind of being a uh…jerk. At the time.

Beast: Oh. What is it?

Belle: Well…uh, so where did you come from? I mean, what part of the country?

Beast: I was born right here. In this castle.

Belle: Really. (pause) Were your parents…you know…?

Beast: What?

Belle: I mean, you have an interesting heritage. I was just wondering if your parents were at all like you.

Beast: Oh. I see what you’re getting at. Yes, my parents were Roman Catholic.

(pause)

Belle: Oh. Oh! Good!

Beast: Yeah.

Belle: So…they were beasts like you?

Beast: Oh. No. They were king and queen of the castle. They died in a pipe bomb explosion.

Belle: Oh. I’m sorry.

Beast: Oh. Don’t be. They were kind of snooty (begins cleaning face with tongue and hands).

Belle: So…

(Lumiere and Cogsworth enter)

Lumiere: Oh Master. I zink eet ez time for bed no?

Cogsworth: (grabbing Beast’s arm) Yes! Time for bed!

Beast: What are you two doing? Leave me alone!

Lumiere: But Master!

Beast: (whispering) I think tonight might be the night!

Cogsworth: No, no, no. You must understand!

(Beast throws Cogsworth into open fireplace)

Belle: Oh my goodness!

Beast: No. He likes it. What were you saying?

Belle: Um. I was just wondering how…you know…scientifically…two humans could conceive a…uh…big furry creature.

Beast: Oh. Oh…um…

(Belle waits patiently)

Beast: Um…Well. I used to be a uh…a prince.

Belle: Really?

Beast: Yeah.

Belle: Huh. What did you look like?

Beast: Not unlike Fabio.

(pause)

Belle: Huh. That’s…that’s good. Good for you.

Beast: Thank you.

Belle: So how’d you become a…

Beast: A Roman Catholic? Well, first I was baptized, then…

Belle: No. A beast.

Beast: Oh.

(long pause)

Beast: Well, it had something to do with a sorceress.

Belle: Oh no! Someone put a spell on you!

Beast: Yeah. Pretty bad, huh?

Belle: Why would anyone do that to you?

Beast: Um. I don’t really want to talk about it…

Lumiere: Master! It appears that Cogsworth eez really dead this time!

Beast: Oh…I mean... Oh no! Belle, hand me a band aid and a sponge!

(later)

(Both Belle and Beast are walking up the stairs to go to their separate bedrooms)

Beast: I think he’s going to be okay.

Belle: That’s a relief.

Beast: Lumiere is repairing him back to health.

Belle: Good.

Beast: It might take him a while to straighten out all those little gears though. He does have candles for hands.

Belle: That’s true.

Beast: Well…good night.

Belle: Wait. You never answered my question.

Beast: What question?

Belle: Why did that sorceress change you into a beast?

Beast: It’s really not important.

Belle: It is to me.

Beast: Um. You know I’m part otter?

Belle: Really?

Beast: Yeah. You can’t tell? It's my ears. Good night.

Belle: Wait a minute.

Beast: Okay, okay fine.

(pause)

Beast: You wanna see the library?

Belle: Stop trying to trick me!

Beast: FINE! I’ll tell you. (pause) You want some schnapps?

Belle: No!

Beast: …fine.

(Belle makes impatient face)

Beast: It all started when a beggar lady came to my door, asked me to buy a rose, and uh…really, in my defense, going around dressed like a beggar woman when you’re really a sorceress just to get people is really unnecessary. Anyway, I didn’t buy her rose and I (mumble mumble).

Belle: What?

Beast: …I solicited sex from her.

(pause)

Belle: Oh my God. A beggar woman?

Beast: Look, I’m not proud of…

Belle: Ew. Ew.

Beast: It’s a lonely castle…

Belle: Goodnight.

(Belle runs away)

Lumiere: We tried to warn you! Ze conversation was growing awkward!

Beast: Shouldn’t you be repairing Cogsworth?

Lumiere: You know as well as I do that Cogsworth is dead!

Beast: Hmm. Lumiere, there’s only one way around this. I need you to build me a time machine.

Lumiere: A time machine? But I have candles for hands!

Beast: That way, I can travel back in time twenty minutes and steer the conversation elsewhere.

Lumiere: And not kill Cogsworth.

Beast: I guess.

Lumiere: In fact, you could simply go back to when the beggar lady came to your doorstep, buy her stupid flower, not solicit sex from her, and save us all from this cursed miserable existence!

Beast: That’s just cheating.

(a flash of lights from the main hall. Beast and Lumiere arrive to see a ridiculous looking time machine)

Future Lumiere: (exiting time machine) Greetings Master and Lumiere. I am Future Lumiere!

Lumiere: Sacrebleu!

Beast: (smacks cheek)

Future Lumiere: Oh ho ho.

(end scene)

It’s all downhill from there, really. There’s a crazy exercise contraption and a stint with amnesia in there too, but you get the idea. All it really needs is some clever marketing and a few catchy song numbers (Lyric idea: “Being a beast is just beastly!”), some sub-par animation and it’s good to go.